It’s the day that all girls dream of… the love of their life on bended knee asking for their hand in marriage… the sun is setting in the perfect location to provide a warm glow over the moment… the ring is brilliantly sparkling… the heavens open up and angels sing, right? Wrong. My engagement was hijacked.
How Carter and I made this far is short of miraculous. It started in a bar with his lame pickup line, “Are you a Stones person or a Beatles person?” I ignored his pursuit as long as I could, and several months later, finally gave in and accepted the fact that we were meant to be together. We dated, I got to know his son, we moved in together and we’re talking about marriage. It all came to a crashing halt on my 39th birthday.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Carter proposed two days later. He took me out for my birthday dinner to the same restaurant that we went to on our first date. He even made sure we sat at the same table. The waitress greeted us, and the second she left, he was on bended knee asking for my hand in marriage. The waitress came running back in excitement, “Did I just see what I think I saw?” The manager brought over complimentary champagne. It was a moment I will never forget. Except for the fact that the euphoria of “WE’RE GETTING MARRIED” was more like, “we’regettingmarriedOHSH*TIHAVECANCER.”
[engagement picture, August 2010]
We delayed telling everyone about cancer because we wanted to share the good news of our engagement. On the outside, we were happily engaged. Behind closed doors, we were dealing with doctors appointments, oncologists, hospitals, and all things cancer. While we had always talked of a justice of the peace ceremony instead of a traditional wedding; the doors were now permanently closed to that option. It was surreal. It was like I was going through the motions in a cloud. It was like reality wasn’t real.
In those nine months between “Will you marry me?” and “I do,” I lost part of my breast to surgery and all of my hair, I was sick from chemo, came into early menopause, and had the walking farts. Nothing says beautiful and sexy fiance like a sweaty bald woman with the walking farts. And yet, Carter and Stepson never left my side.
[wedding day March 31, 2011]
We had our justice of the peace ceremony with Carter’s son and our parents, and then the three of us went on a “familymoon” together. It was a weekend at an indoor water park/lodge – something that we could all enjoy considering the circumstances. We are hoping to be able to take a “real” honeymoon at some point. After cancer, priorities quickly get rearranged.
[adrotate banner=”6″]
In the spirit of sharing inspiration, you can read the very raw and poignant story behind that year in my book, Coconut Head’s Cancer Survival Guide – My Journey From Diagnosis to “I Do.”
Cancer hijacked my engagement, my wedding, and my life. At the time, it was easy to get swallowed into the woe is me. But now, looking back at that year, I know that it was all in God’s hand and a part of His plan. If we can make it through cancer, we can make it through anything. “They” say that cancer shouldn’t define you. I disagree. Cancer defined that year for us and set us up to be where we are today. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, but I wouldn’t take it back either.
Cancer hijacked my engagement, my wedding, and my life. And I’m thankful for where it took us.
Are you Inspired?
Be sure to download your FREE eBook 5 Cancer Prevention Strategies for Cancer Survivors!
[adrotate banner=”6″]
Love, hugs, and happy anniversary to my boys.
Holly, you’ve got me teary eyed here. You are one strong, inspirational woman. And you can tell in your engagement picture, that Carter knows he’s one very lucky man to have caught you! Happy happy anniversary to the three of you!
Hi Susan – Thank you for your kind words and wishes. It will be a low key anniversary this year, but it’s being together that counts. Hugs, Holly
WOW! The headline made me think you had MIL troubles but I wasn’t ready for a cancer diagnosis! Compelling story and wonderful to see how Carter and his son have been a great support system for you. Glad to be more connected Holly.
Hi Dr. Liz – Fortunately, I have the best MIL ever. In fact, the day that my hair started to fall out, she kicked the boys out of the house and shaved my head. I would have preferred to do DIL-MIL bonding by shopping at Macy’s but head shaving works too. Thanks for stopping by to say hello. Hugs, Holly
What a touching story. Your husband is a gem- bless his heart going through all this with you so early on in your relationship and not walking away. So many men aren’t sensitive enough to stick it out. Having gone through cancer with our daughter when she was four I sympathize with and all you had to go through. So glad for you that you’ve had such a good outcome and the love of your life to boot! Wishing you both a Happy Anniversary!
Hi Liz – I can’t even begin to tell you how many cancer survivors I’ve talked to whose husbands left them after diagnosis. But after everything, it does bring a totally different dynamic (in a good way) to our marriage. Knowing what I had to go through, there is a special place in my heart for childhood cancer survivors and parents. I can’t even imagine what you went though. Adults can handle cancer, but children are way too innocent. Thank you for your kind wishes. Hugs, Holly
I never had that ‘storybook’ proposal either. Mine was on the side of a dirt country road waiting for two pink lines to show up on a plastic stick that I had just squatted on the side of the road to pee on. Romantic, huh? I can’t imagine it any other way now. While teen pregnancy is not as horrifically scary as cancer, it can certainly feel like your life has been hijacked in that moment. Anyway, that baby just turned 16 himself and I can’t imagine changing a thing!
Hi Crystal – Wow, and I thought the walking farts were romantic… peeing on a stick on the side of a road… that is love. Thank you so much for sharing your story! Hugs, Holly
What a touching story- thanks so much for sharing! I understand in some ways though my story is different since I struggle with a chronic illness. While it isn’t life threatening, I’ll never be cured either and it does feel like life has been hijacked! Love how you put it that way! As hard as this all was, I think it is so sweet and the love you and your family has for each other in the midst of a very difficult time is inspiring 🙂
-Sara, uncommongrace.net
Hi Sara – Thank you so much for stopping by to share your story. My mother has had a chronic illness her entire adult life and I know that watching her strength in the face of such adversity helped me though my trials. Blessings to you, my dear, and I hope to see you again soon. Hugs, Holly
Great story, Holly. I almost have the courage to two real life stories that I know would become well read. I can’t tell them without putting my husband ‘out there’ and out of respect for him I can’t do it. He doesn’t deserve the publicity, judgement and pity that would be sure to come his way. And he doesn’t deserve it.
I guess I will just reread your book and this post and cry in my cheerios. Thanks for being so very brave. And hope you keep being a survivor and not a victim.
Hi Marilyn – Thank you for (almost) sharing your story. Writing has been extremely cathartic for me, there is no harm in writing and telling your story without it being “out there.” Thank you for your kind, sweet words and blessings to you. Hugs, Holly
Amazing Holly! Your attitude is such a brilliant example. God does have a good plan for you and your boys =) Take care xS
Hi Sarah – Thank you for sharing your sweet words and wishes. Hugs, Holly
What an inspirational story of such strength and grace! Congrats on 4 years and here’s to many many more!
Hi Meaghan – Thank you so much. We celebrated last night with a simple dinner and I clipped coupons. It’s just how we are. Thank you for your kind wishes. Hugs, Holly
Wow, that is a great story. I am so happy to read that it all turned out and that you are doing well!
Hi Nicki – Thank you for stopping by with your kind wishes. I heart #ibabloggers! Hugs, Holly
OOPs I forgot to add this- #ibabloggers
Love this! A true story of hope and strength!! Happy anniversary
Hi Sara – Thank you very much. The hard times make life that much sweeter. Hugs, Holly
God brings people into our lives for reasons , I am so happy to hear you have a loving step-son and husband that continues to stand by your side. Happy Anniversary to you and your loving family!
Hi Kim – They were definitely troopers. Stepson was seven when I was diagnosed and he always told me that watching Sponge Bob cartoons together would make me feel better. It did. Thank you for your kind wishes. Hugs, Holly
Wow what a post today! I have survived cancer twice, so my words of support is YOU GO GIRLFRIEND
#ibabloggers
Hi Joanne – Blessings to you my dear warrior sister! Hugs, Holly
The beginning of this school year I received a breast cancer diagnosis, two surgeries in- double mastectomy and reconstruction and one more, hysterectomy in May. I’m BRACA2. I own my own design business and have an amazing husband and 4 kids. My life definitely feels high jacked right now! Cancer does bring definition into your life and does change you. I’m learning to be patient and kind to myself as I emerge from each part of this process. Thank you for sharing your story from one Holly to another!
Hi Holly – Wow, so we are in two clubs together – the Cool Kids Holly Club and the Cool Kids Cancer Club. Thank you so much for stopping by to share your story, my goodness, you have been through so much. Blessings to you my love, and prayers for good health. Hope you stop by again soon. Hugs, Holly
Thank you for that open and heartening look into your life and your family. None of us want to go through hard times but as you have found they can make us stronger and more appreciative of all around us. God bless and give more grace. #ibabloggers
Hi Kathleen – Thank you for your sweet words and well wishes. Life is all about choices that we make based on what happens to us. It’s been great connecting with you via #ibabloggers! Hugs, Holly
Wow, I wasn’t expecting this story. Wonderful post about going through such a challenge during what should be the happiest time in your life. You are very strong and inspiring and I hope you have a wonderful 5th anniversary!
Hi Jen – Thank you so much for sharing your kind words. We celebrated last night with a simple dinner, watched old TV reruns, and I cut coupons. Livin la vida loca!!! Hope to see you again soon. Hugs, Holly
Happy, happy Anniversary, Holly! I suspect that you were the most beautiful sweaty bald women with the walking farts, there ever was, both inside and out. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! You are truly an inspiration and a testament to what truly matters in the world. Love.
Hi Kim – Well, I’m not bald any more, but still rocking the sweat and walking farts. It’s why Hubby loves me so much LOL! Thank you for your sweet words and for stopping by! Hugs, Holly
Holly,
You are amazing! As a fellow survivor (leukemia, bone marrow transplants) I am so inspired and proud! We are living proof that positivity and determination (or in my case, stubbornness) pays off! Please share my link!
Hi Holly – Oh wow, you are a TRIPLE club member – the Cool Kids Holly Club, the Cool Kids Cancer Club, AND the Cool Kids PA club. I can’t even imagine what you have been though. Thank you for sharing your story. Blessings and prayers for good health and strength my love. Hugs, Holly
Thank you for sharing- this was totally not what I expected when I clicked on this link at (at The Scoop) but what an inspiring story. You are clearly so strong and I really admire your way of thinking and handling all of this. Here’s wishing you many , many happy anniversaries to come!
Hi Jessy – Yeah, I’ve been getting that a lot. Sorry to disappoint that it wasn’t a story about the engagement ring being put into someone else’s dessert and then another girl swallows it or something like that. 🙂 Thank you for your sweet wishes and for stopping by to say hello. Very much appreciated. Hugs, Holly
I’m sorry, I don’t think I communicated well in my last comment- I’m not bummed that it wasn’t the story that I expected- your story was much more inspiring and really puts a lot of things into perspective about what is truly important. While I hate that you had to go through it, I’m glad I got to read your story and I respect your courage.
Jessy – You are totally fine my dear! Hugs, Holly
Your story is incredibly inspiring Holly! I teared up when I saw your beautiful wedding photo. I think it sends a powerful message about what really matters on your wedding day. Thank you for sharing it with all of us.
Hi Amy – I think we both surprised each other the other day with sharing our stories. Hopefully we can team together some more and change the world with love, strength, and inspiration. It’s been great being blogging buddies, my friend. Hugs, Holly
Holly, you are beautiful! Thank you for sharing this 🙂
Hi Meliss – Awww…. you are so sweet, thank you for stopping by to say hello. Hope to see you again soon. Hugs, Holly
Wow! This raised the hairs on my arms. Congrats, and happy anniversary. It is so cool to see you come out on the other side. I have been ill for the last several years and my hubby is one of the few that have stood beside me, no reservations. Funny, but now I am not as worried that he will someday leave me, issues due to past relationships, I guess I really needed to learn that, know that and feel that. Now I do. Blessings to you, your family and your union.
Hi Nikki – Thank you so much for stopping by to share such a personal story. Blessings and good health to you, my friend. Hugs, Holly
Crying. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your courageous journey!
You are too sweet, thank you for your kind words. Hugs, Holly
What an amazing post. I came over here thinking it would be a funny post. I didn’t think it would be something this poignant. I’m glad it came out for the best for all of you. #SITSSharefest
Hi Adrian – Thank you for stopping by to share your sweet comments. Hugs, Holly
What an amazing post. This morning I was feeling woe is me… I really needed this. I am so glad things have worked out and you are here! Happily married!
I would love to have you share your story with us!
(http://twolittlecavaliers.com/2015/04/inspire-us-tuesdays-flavors-of-spring.html)
Hi Felissa – Everyone has woe is me days. Thank you so much for stopping by to say hello and for sharing. Hugs, Holly