If you are reading this, it’s probably for a very personal reason that cancer has affected you or a loved one. It’s difficult to share your cancer diagnosis with your loved ones, but most difficult to talk to your kids about cancer. I’m sharing how we did it, some advice, and resources.
Stepson was seven-years-old when I was diagnosed. We used clinical words like cancer and chemo and talked about it like we would the weather. We were very open, honest, and straightforward with him, all while being age (and gender) appropriate. What we did not share with him… when I had surgery, we told him that it was on my side (not my breast). And “technically”, that is where my stitches are. We said that cancer was not contagious, it was like a broken arm. We explained that chemo would kill good cells (like my hair) along with the bad cells and the cancer.
We told him that I would lose my hair and be very sick and tired for a while. He could not have been kinder and sat by my side watching SpongeBob cartoons together with the promise that they would make me feel better (they did). I wore silly pink and green wigs to keep him (and me) laughing. And tried to keep life as “normal” as possible for him.
Because we are a blended family, I also had many conversations with his mother to keep her informed of what was going on if he had any questions to ask her that he wasn’t comfortable asking me – she had answers or was at least comfortable asking me for answers. We also let his teacher know so that if he acted out or his behavior changed she would know why and we could address it.
I went into his classroom at one point during treatment and wore my pink wig. The conversation went something like this:
Girl in class: “Your mom has pink hair. That’s so cool!”
Stepson: “My STEPmom has a pink WIG. She has cancer so she has to wear a pink wig.”
Girl in class: “That’s so cool. I wish I had a pink wig. I love pink.”
It wasn’t my place to explain cancer to another child who I don’t know. But it reminded me of how innocent children are. They process what we give them – verbally, emotionally, physically, and subconsciously.
We are very blessed to have such a great kid who is laid back and easy going and was a true champion when I had cancer.
Psst… want to learn some easy cancer prevention strategies? Click below…
Everyone’s cancer experience is unique, the same as each child is unique. You know your children better than anyone else, and the conversation needs to be custom-tailored to their age and temperaments.
My Mommy Has Cancer was written as a calling to help other families with this situation.
This children’s book was written from a child’s perspective to talk to another child about cancer. It’s age-appropriate for five to ten-year-old children. Parents are encouraged to read through the book first, and then read the book to or with your child and have an open discussion that is best for your family’s situation. For more information about this book, please click HERE.
Stepson is now a teenager. I’ve asked him what he remembers about me having cancer. It was the pink wig and not much else. BUT… there have been times when new friends have come over to the house. I’ll feed them a healthy snack and Stepson’s commentary is, “Stepmom had cancer so we eat healthy so she doesn’t get sick again.”
I’m not going to give him the takeaways I think he should have. I’m extremely grateful that he is a resilient kid and sees me walking the walk.
Your child is going to be ok.
Are you Inspired?
Be sure to download your FREE eBook 5 Cancer Prevention Strategies for Cancer Survivors!
Love and extra big hugs from your warrior sister,
Bless you. God is using your difficulty to bless and comfort others.
Hi Gail, thank you for visiting and your kind words. When I was diagnosed, I said that this was God’s gift to me. It sounded odd at the time, but it all makes sense now. Hugs, Holly
Great post. When my dad was diagnosed 2 years ago, my oldest son was seven. We waited awhile to say anything to him about it – to help keep everything as normal as possible. When we did sit down with him, it was pretty short conversations over time telling him a little more each time and taking the time to answer any questions too.
Thanks for sharing!
Sam
Hi Sam, thank you for sharing your story. Prayers, blessings, and big hugs to your family. Holly
Thank you so much for sharing your story and this article. I lost my grandmother to cancer last year and we’ve had some other illnesses in the family and it’s always hard to talk to the kids about it. But you are right, honesty is the way to go – they are so much more resilient and understanding than we know until we start talking.
Raj
Hi Raj – Thank you for visiting and sharing your story. Big hugs and prayers to your family. Holly
Such an important conversation to have. Children need to know about all of our illnesses, it keeps them from being afraid. This is a fabulous article, thanks for sharing and for sharing your own experience. Hugs, Marty
Hi Marty – Thank you for your kind words. Cancer is pretty scary and hopefully I can use my experience to help others. Hugs, Holly
Holly,
Thank you so much for sharing your life with all of us. Three months ago a friend from college was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer. She has been in for the fight of her life. This is such a practical example of how to include children in a very difficult time.
Julia
Hi Julia, thank you for sharing your very personal story and big hugs and prayers to you and your friend and family going through this. I was “lucky” with my cancer, I can’t even imagine how hard she is fighting with Stage 4. Blessings, Holly
Thank you for sharing. We just lost my grandfather to cancer and it was really hard to explain to my kids what to expect. Thank you!
Shelly- minettesmaze.blogspot.com
Hi Shelly – Thank you for visiting and thank you for sharing. Hugs and blessings to you and your family. Holly
Holly…new follower from ” 2 Blessed 2 Be Stressed” blog hop. You are such an inspiration and you blog is such a great resource. I look forward to connecting!
Hi Chamel – thank you so much for visiting and following and for your kind words. Hugs, Holly
Hi Holly. I’m visiting from A Delightsome Life. I just admire everyone so much who have gone through these life altering situations. My daughter was diagnosed at the age of 42 (almost 10 years ago now) and my grandson was 9 years old at the time. He had just lost his uncle 2 years prior and his dad had a heart attack about 2 years later. He is an only child and was always included in whatever was going on. There were no surprises for him and things were stated in a common sense, matter of fact way. He is the one who picked out Mom’s hat in anticipation of her losing her hair. She is very well now and he has turned into a well adjusted and caring young man. If events are talked about in simple and truthful ways, I think that is the right way to handle it and it sounds like you did exactly that. Hope you are feeling well now. You certainly look beautiful with or without your pink hair..Happy Friday..Judy
Hi Judy – Thank you so much for sharing your story about your daughter. I can only imagine how hard that must have been for your whole family. And thank you for the words of encouragement with your grandson and how he has turned out. Kids are extremely resilient, but it doesn’t mean we don’t worry. Blessings to you and your family and big hugs. Holly
I am so glad you’re a survivor. You seem to have such a healthy attitude about it. God bless you. You looked beautiful without hair, you are even more beautiful due to your loving heart.
Our grandson was found to have stage 4 all thru his body just before he turned 14. He had testicular cancer and also tumors in his neck twice and 5 lbs. of tumors in his abdominal cavity. They took one of his testicles right away and other surgeries later on. He had a 12 hr. surgery to remove the tumors in his abdomen, just before his surgeon was ready to sew him up he found the cancerous tumor hiding behind an organ.
How do you tell kids they have cancer? He was such a brave kid during all of it. Since he was 18 he’s been cancer free. We are so thankful to God for sparing a wonderful person. He even played football for his high school team in junior and senior years . He’s attending college now and working, he’ll be a sophomore next school year. I pray you will stay healthy and cancer free for rest of your life. Happy summer Thank you for sharing your story.
JaneEllen – Oh goodness, thanks for the good cry this morning. I can’t tell you how many times going through treatment I would see a child with cancer and think… I’m an adult and I can deal with this adult problem. Children should never have to go through this. So glad to hear your grandson is doing well and thank you for sharing such a personal and heartfelt story. Blessings and hugs to your entire family and prayers that he will continue to be cancer free and use this tragedy as an opportunity for good. Hugs, Holly
Thanks so much for linking up to Say G’Day Saturday. I just featured your very important post!
Best wishes for a lovely weekend,
Natasha in Oz
Hi Natasha – I am honored, thank you so much. And many thanks to that great young lady of yours who is determined to cure! Hugs, Holly
Thank you for sharing your story. Both you and your stepson are blessed to have each other (and Sponge Bob) to help each other through. Thanks for sharing at Inspire Us Thursday, you strong woman, you.
Hi Susan, forget about all of this cancer schmancer research. All you need to cure cancer is a little Sponge Bob! Thank you for your kind words. Hugs, Holly
I appreciate you sharing your personal story, Holly and for sharing this article. Cancer is affecting everyone these days whether personally or someone you love. Knowing how to talk to others and how to help is something we all should take the time to learn. It seems you have quite the grown, considerate young man there! I do appreciate you sharing with A Return to Loveliness,
Kathy
Hi Kathy, thank you for your kind words. It’s a sad reality and there is no perfect solution of how to talk to kids or anyone about it, but I’m glad to at least open it up for discussion. Hugs, Holly
Both of my parents passed away from cancer – my grandparents and my uncle. My Mother-in-Law is a 20+ year cancer survivor – it has touched us closely in our family – children are more resilient I think than some adults. Hugs,
Kathy
Hi Kathy – more thanks for your sweet words and blessings to your family, especially your Mother in Law. It’s something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy but I wouldn’t change having it either. Hugs, Holly
This is really an excellent post – one that I am sure we should all bookmark – I do appreciate you sharing your personal story – I am so delighted that you shared with Home and Garden Thursday,
Kathy
You do rock a pink wig like no one else, Holly B.! You and stepson are so perfect for each other.
Hi Susan – I had the most adorable picture of the two of us in wigs, but will never, ever share publicly! Some things are left… private. Hugs, Holly
Holly, the more I get to know you, the more admiration I feel. Learning to talk to kids about this is so important. Cancer can be a scary word, and kids don’t understand all the complicated terms. Thank you for addressing this and sharing. So important! Shared.
Hi Elizabeth – Thank you for your kind comments and especially for sharing! This topic is very near and dear to me. Hugs, Holly
Holly, featuring this post on Snickerdoodle today! Thank you for sharing and have a great weekend!
Hi Elizabeth – Wonderful, thank you so much for the feature! Hugs, Holly